Begin a Birth Search at 18 Years Old or Older

After speaking with someone on the subject of Korean adoption, and specifically birth searches, I realized I wanted to record my thoughts on the matter. I have noticed Korean adoptees and their families have been initiating birth searches early on (13-17 years old). While I understand the sentiment behind such a move, I believe it is ill-advised. In my heart, I believe 18 year olds is the earliest someone should begin their birth search, especially for Korean adoptees, but other adoptees as well. My primary reason is that the adoptee is simply too young and not mature enough. Furthermore, they do not fully understand and are willing to accept all the potential scenarios and endings from a birth search, many of which, are not happy endings.

To be honest I probably started my search too early. I began the process right after I got back from a birthland tour to Korea in 2007. I was 15 at the time. When I was in Korea and read my birth file and met my foster mother I felt a longing to discover my birth parents. That drove me to begin my search. I will mention that I already knew about the social stigma surrounding a single mother in Korea, so I had accepted why I was given up for adoption. However, I had not yet realized all the potential paths the search could take and the consequences of those paths mentally. I am glad that my search was slow and filled with obstacles because it allowed me to face the reality that I might not find my birth mother. I was able to accept one of the worst possible outcomes, but I think that comes from maturity. Eventually I was able to discover and reconnect with my birth mother. I have met her multiple times while I was studying abroad in South Korea in 2013. You could say it was a happy ending and one of the more optimal ending points for a birth search. However, I know various friends who have not had such happy endings. Some were unable to locate their birth families while others were able to but their birth families could not or wished not to reconnect. It is tragic, but reality.

This brings me back to my main point. Birth searches should be held off until the adoptee reaches
the age of 18 and even then shows a deep maturity level. A birth search is a long and frustrating process. It is easy to become angry and discouraged. It requires the person to be mature and strong to cope with the obstacles and potential rejection at the end of the road.